Like I love you
by Jennifer-Phoenix
Summary: This is set after the book and not the movie. There is a summary of what has happened in the book. The plot is about Helen's and Barry's relationship. Please review! COMPLETE! chapter 9 is up, tell me what you thought.
1. Heartbreak

This has happened: Barry, Helen, Julie and Ray hit a little boy with their car (Barry was driving) and killed him. This is a year after that and Helen is a Golden Girl on channel five and she and Barry have been going out the last year although Barry's been cheating on her. He is a freshman in college now and a football hero. Julie has gone from preppy cheerleader to bookworm and gotten accepted to the fine college Smith. Ray has been in California and is back to win Julie back. This is after the killer has attacked Helen and Julie and Helen's in the hospital trying to connect with her beloved, lying Barry again. (Heller is Barry's nickname for Helen in the book and there she's named Rivers and not Shivers for you who did not know this.) No one dies in the book.  
  
************************************************  
  
"Barry?" She said with a sweet but a little scared voice. "Are you awake?"  
  
Barry turned his head in the hospital bed towards the door with a tired face expression.  
  
'Oh great, which twit is here to bug me now? If it's mom I'll kill myself here and now'  
  
But when he saw Helen and her kind violet eyes his face expression softened.  
  
He'd treated her so badly for such a long time. Then he remembered the dark haired guy his parents had told him about and he got bitter again. So what if he'd treated her badly she'd done it to him too!  
  
"Can I come in?" She asked carefully still standing in the doorway.  
  
Barry nodded. "Sure." He said indifferent and she stepped into the room and strenuously got a chair next to his bed.  
  
Barry whished he'd been able to walk so that he could help her. There was something about a damsel in distress that made it irresistible not to want to help.  
  
Helen sat down and Barry noticed that she'd carried one crutch and one arm in a cast.  
  
Helen saw what he looked at and smiled whimsy.  
  
"I guess throwing yourself out a second floor window is not to recommend." She said joking but Barry didn't smile. He looked concerned.  
  
Helen rolled her eyes a little. "It's just a broken arm and a sprained ankle." She looked down in her lap. "Not like you....."  
  
She sounded sad and Barry felt gloomy. He was depressed enough himself, he didn't need her stressing about it too.  
  
"I'm glad you're okay." He said and Helen looked up at him with a glimpse of hope in her eyes.  
  
She looked at his legs as if she didn't know what to say and Barry grinned a little to reassure her.  
  
"I'll be able to walk again baby, just wait and see. Moved my foot the other day and the other one today. I'll be just fine."  
  
Helen's smile seemed to light up the room and Barry thought of the picture he had of her in his dorm room. It was laying face down - wouldn't his mother love that when she came there to pick up his stuff.  
  
"I'm glad Barry."  
  
She didn't look glad and he felt like he was suffocating around her. She was a good looking girl but what she wanted from him he couldn't give her. He didn't want to marry her - he was only 19 and even if he did end up in a wheelchair there was stuff he wanted to do before marriage.  
  
"Heller I ." He started but couldn't continue when he looked into those familiar violet eyes.  
  
Why did he have such problem breaking up with this girl? He'd planned it so many times but every time he changed his mind. What was it about? He didn't even understand it himself. Was it that he enjoyed bugging the life out of his mother?  
  
Helen had a trace of tears in her eyes.  
  
"Have you lied to me Barry?"  
  
He frowned. What did she mean?  
  
"Have you seen other girls?"  
  
'Oh, that was what she meant'.  
  
Barry nodded. "Yes, I've seen other girls."  
  
What was the point of lying? She'd see through it and this would make it easier to break up. Once again he thought of the dark haired man that his parents had told him had come to the hospital with Helen that night he'd been shot.  
  
"But it's not like you can judge." He said bitterly and Helen who'd hid her face in her hands looked at him with a face of innocence.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Barry had to roll his eyes in frustration. What he meant? Did she really think he was that stupid?  
  
"What I mean is that dark stranger you'd been out with the night I got shot! Waiting by the phone - right! Just admit it, you've been having the time of your life behind my back all the time haven't you?"  
  
Helen had to blink a couple of times to understand what he was accusing her off.  
  
"I haven't ...." She shook her head. "I haven't seen anyone behind your back. I was working that night .... I hadn't been out at all." She looked down on her lap. "I was driven her by a friend, or so I thought he was, Collie."  
  
Barry looked away. He didn't want to hear anything about her male friends.  
  
"He pretended to care... . he was nice ..... he was David Gregg's brother." She stuttered the words out and Barry immediately turned his eyes at her.  
  
"You mean...?"  
  
Helen nodded and swallowed her sob with a proud look on her face.  
  
Barry looked truly sorry.  
  
"Heller I'm sorry .... I shouldn't have lied to Ray that day. You'd been on your guard and ... Oh my God, if you would've died it would've been my fault." He looked away in sadness and automatically Helen put her hand on his arm.  
  
"Barry, it's okay I'm fine. Although I did curse you a little." She smiled to comfort him and he returned it with a crooked grin.  
  
He started to realise why he'd stayed with her for so long. It wasn't just her great looks or the prestige to go out with a Golden Girl - she was more then that. She was sweet and caring and she truly did love him. If he broke up with Pam or Debbie or any other girl, they'd just move on, Helen would be sad.  
  
He was starting to look at her in a new perspective. He'd been so caught up in his own feelings that he'd totally ignore hers.  
  
He looked at her hand on his arm and smiled softly. Why had he been so eager to leave her anyway?  
  
Helen didn't say anything but he saw that she was about to. She had that look on her face when she looked really thoughtful and crinkled her nose from time to time as if choosing between words.  
  
Then she looked at him. She had a bruise under her eye but it was covered with make up.  
  
"Barry are we through?" She asked abruptly and Barry was stunned.  
  
He'd never thought she'd ever utter those words.  
  
"I guess .... I've been thinking ....."  
  
Helen nodded and stood up.  
  
"Heller." He stopped her with his voice and she looked at him still standing up.  
  
"I'm sorry Barry, you've lied to me. You've broke my heart in a way I never thought you would." She sobbed. "Right now, I can't even look at you."  
  
She walked towards the door with her head down, quietly sobbing.  
  
"I'm sorry too Heller." Barry mumbled from his bed, unable to follow her. But maybe this was for the best. After all he'd been planning it for a good year or so. This hadn't even been supposed to be a relationship.  
  
He looked out the window and saw the warm sun shining.  
  
Now it was over anyway. And the only thing he could do was move on. 


	2. Helen

"And that is why I advice you to stay home tonight folks. With the rain pouring down like this you'll be glad if your house won't be washed away tonight. Thank you and have a pleasant evening." Helen smiled into the camera until the camera guy singled that she wasn't on air anymore.  
  
The smile died and she walked to get herself some coffee.  
  
It had been six months since her accident. She didn't have a cast anymore and her foot was just fine.  
  
"Hi Helen, you were great tonight." John the sports newscaster smiled flirtatious at her.  
  
Helen stiffly returned his smile.  
  
"Thanks John." She said and hurried pass him before he got another chance to ask her out - he always did. She never said yes but he kept asking.  
  
She walked up to one of the assistants.  
  
"Am I needed anymore or can I go home?"  
  
Erin, one of the more older assistants must have seen how tired she was because she patter her arm and smiled.  
  
"We're fine dear, you go home and sleep some. You are really starting to wear yourself out if you keep working like this."  
  
Helen just smiled and went to get her coat. She was wearing herself out and she knew it. Falling from grace as her plump, bitter sister Elsa said.  
  
But she was getting more and more established on the channel. Since she and Barry had broke up she'd done nothing but work and now she wasn't just the weather girl or DJ, now she was also a news broad caster three days a week.  
  
It was an honour, especially since now Elsa couldn't say that any monkey could do her job. Helen had both beauty and brains, maybe more of the first one but still she wasn't a total idiot.  
  
With a yawn Helen walked to her car.  
  
She had been out on exactly one date since she and Barry had broke up, it had been awful and she hadn't done it again since.  
  
She got more the enough offers but she just wasn't interested.  
  
Barry had hurt her so much. There was no one left for her to trust but herself.  
  
She wrote to Julie at Smith as often as she could but it wasn't the same. Ray she barely ever saw she knew he and Julie were dating again through Julie.  
  
Six months earlier it had all ended. The sorrow and pain from hiding the truth, they'd confessed and all had felt surprised that it had made them feel better in a way.  
  
Barry had gotten a fine and 200 hours of community service, Ray had gotten the same hours but not the fine. Helen and Julie had been saved by their somewhat impartial parts and had gotten away with 75 hours of community service.  
  
Helen was already done with hers. She'd actually kind of enjoyed it although she couldn't see how it made up for them killing a little boy.  
  
She'd been at Barry's trial. She'd hid in the back so that he wouldn't see her but was quite sure he had.  
  
After that she hadn't seen him at all for six long months. She avoided all places where it was possible for her to see him.  
  
In the beginning she'd seen his face everywhere anyway but now it had faded.  
  
The station had been really nice to her during that time and hadn't fired her although it had been close.  
  
Now she was just moving on with her life.  
  
As she drove home she felt like she was a hundred year old woman - not an 18-year-old working girl.  
  
She was going to turn 19 in a only a day. She didn't really look forward to it since she didn't have anybody to celebrate it with.  
  
'And whose fault is that stupid girl?' She thought. She had no one to blame but herself and sadly enough she was aware of that.  
  
Good old selfish Helen Rivers, who'd ever think that she'd end up lonely?  
  
Then again she'd always been lonely.  
  
She considered driving past her parent's house but decided not to. She was not in the mood for Elsa and her snide remarks this evening.  
  
She drove back to her luxurious flat in the Four Seasons apartment complex.  
  
It was almost 10.45 pm and the building was dark.  
  
She walked in and up two stairs. She remembered Collie and his betrayal when she closed her apartment door and pulled the bolt in place. She had two other safety chains that she also put on before going to bed without eating.  
  
*********************  
  
The next morning Helen woke up at 10 am. Late for some people but since she didn't start work until four o'clock it was a perfect time for her.  
  
She rubbed her eyes and got out of bed to comb her pretty long, blonde hair.  
  
Looking at herself in the mirror made her frown. She still looked the same way she'd looked in high school but she was far from the same person.  
  
Her only difference was that she'd gotten skinnier since she'd lost her appetite and her hair was flat and not naturally fluffy as before.  
  
She put on a robe and walked out to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee before going to the door to get the paper.  
  
Helen was getting more and more intellectual by the minute.  
  
Something Collie had said had got stuck in her mind:  
  
'There are plenty of people in the world besides you, you might try looking at them sometime. Some of them are interesting. '  
  
He'd accused her of being selfish and he'd been right to her horror. She'd never seen beyond her feelings for her and for Barry.  
  
She was trying to work on that. If she ever wanted to leave this little town she knew that it was most crucial.  
  
As she opened the door to pick up the paper she saw a colourful bouquet by it and a small white box in gift-wrapping. She frowned and looked around the hall.  
  
Who'd send her a gift? Her sister - no way. Julie? Perhaps.  
  
Although she was suspicious she took it in with the paper and the flowers - yellow sunshine like roses - and the paper.  
  
She locked the door again.  
  
Going back to the kitchen she smelled the flowers. They smelled great. She put them in a vas before concentrating on the gift.  
  
There was no card on it but there was a purple pretty ribbon around it. It had almost the same colour as her eyes.  
  
With determination she opened the box and gasped when she saw what lay in it: it was a beautiful bracelet in silver.  
  
She took it out of the box to admire it. Did she have a secret admirer?  
  
She glanced at the box and saw a card on the bottom of it. She took it immediately and read it:  
Happy 19th Heller Hope you get all you wish for  
  
Barry  
Helen was mad at herself for getting tears in her eyes. That arrogant schmuck.  
  
Here she goes for six months trying to forget about him and then he does something like this - why did he have to make her feel again. It was torment.  
  
She looked at the bracelet again. It was beautiful - should she return it?  
  
She wasn't sure. If Julie called she'd ask for her opinion.  
  
*********************************  
  
A couple of minutes to four that afternoon Helen parked her car by the studio.  
  
Today she was going to read the news and she was more then well prepared but she liked to be early to rehearse a bit.  
  
She walked into the studio with a friendly smile and said hello to everybody.  
  
Nobody knew that it was her birthday but she didn't want their phony congratulations anyway so it didn't matter to her.  
  
John came up to her.  
  
"Hi Helen." He smiled and she nodded at him wondering why he wouldn't leave her alone. She had made it clear she had no interest in him.  
  
"Did you like the flowers?"  
  
Helen flinched. She'd just assumed they'd been from Barry too.  
  
"You sent me those flowers? Why?" She asked John in terror. She'd been friends with one psycho and that was enough for her.  
  
John smiled wider and Helen thought that he looked sweet and harmless. She wondered if she might be wrong.  
  
"Because it's your day birthday girl" He said and she frowned.  
  
How did he know?  
  
"What? How do you know that John, I haven't told anyone." Helen lowered her voice not to drag attention to their conversation.  
  
John shone proudly. "Wasn't that hard to figure out. So did you like the flowers?"  
  
Helen shook her head. "John, stop this. I'm not planning to go out with you not now and not ever. Okay? I'm sorry but I'm just not interested."  
  
She'd made it as clear as possible. One more thing and she went to the police.  
  
John looked sad and his head hung a little.  
  
"Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying huh? I went overboard with the flowers - I know. I just wanted you to have some appreciation."  
  
Helen wanted out of their conversation and tried to make eye contact with someone else around. She didn't want to speak more to John then necessary.  
  
To her thankfulness Martha, her make-up artist, came towards them.  
  
"Hey Helen, I need you in make up now." She said and Helen nodded and then turned to John with apologizing eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry John but I have to run." She said and didn't give him a chance to say anything to her but rushed to get dolled up.  
  
Martha, who'd waited for her to say goodbye to John, walked with her.  
  
"I didn't want to say it in front of your fan but ...."  
  
"Fan?" Helen cut her off mid sentence in surprise and Martha laughed.  
  
"Oh come on, everybody knows that guy's got it bad for you. Anyway, what I tried to say was that you have a visitor."  
  
Helen tilted her head. A visitor? Who could that be - Julie? Hopefully not Elsa, Barry had no reason and her parents would never come to the studio.  
  
She fastened her steps to see who it was and when she opened the door she opened her mouth in surprise.  
  
"Barry." She said with a smile looking at her ex-boyfriend sitting in a white couch waiting for her. 


	3. Barry's hell

Barry threw the crutches away in anger. It was so frustrating to limp around on campus after once being the greatest football hero there.  
  
It had been five long hard months since he'd started his physical therapy and now he was on his legs sure but it wasn't all as easy as he'd thought it'd be.  
  
He was still a ladies man, since they felt so sad for him, but Barry knew something was missing.  
  
At first he hadn't understood that it was Helen he missed but when he'd come back to the dorm rooms and seen her picture standing on his bed stand he'd realised just how much he missed her.  
  
She'd always been there for him and now she wouldn't even look at him. She'd hid in the courtroom during his trial but he'd seen her anyway. She hadn't said anything afterwards, just snuck away without a sound.  
  
He'd been disappointed but hadn't really given it much thought since he had his family and other friends around him. Congratulating him for the easy punishment.  
  
Barry admitted that it was an easy punishment, he'd much rather taken that from the beginning instead of suffering this year of terror. If so maybe he wouldn't have got shot.  
  
Barry shrugged. He didn't like to dwell in the past he couldn't change it anyway.  
  
His physical therapy had been a bitch but he'd fought harder then anyone. He wanted to get out of his parents home and back to college.  
  
He couldn't stand to have his mother around him all day long.  
  
Ray had come to see him once in a while and so had some other guys and of course some girls (none of them to his mothers approval) but Barry had kept the feeling of restlessness.  
  
Not being able to walk, or play football was hard on him and then also realising that he might never see Helen again didn't make it easier.  
  
Of course she was on TV almost every night but that wasn't the same. His friends kept commenting on how stupid he was who'd broken up with the Golden Girl.  
  
Barry didn't care what she was. She was just Heller to him, his Heller.  
  
Barry looked at the crutches by his bed and lay down on his back. He didn't know for how much longer he'd be able to be a cripple - he hated it.  
  
"Hey Cox, what's up?" His friend Lou came in to their mutual room and Barry looked at him.  
  
"Not much, just lying here cursing my bad luck."  
  
Lou laughed. "I here ya man. A few of us are going out tonight. You coming?"  
  
Barry considered it for a second. He could go out with them or lay here and think about how miserable he was or study.  
  
"I think I'll come with you. Not much to do here anyway." He said and sat up on the bed.  
  
Lou looked pleased and nodded at him.  
  
"Good, was starting to think you were rotting away in here. I mean, I know you still get out but not half as much as before. What did you have then three? Four girlfriends?"  
  
Barry rolled his eyes.  
  
"I've been shot in the stomach Lou, I think I'm entitled to some down time."  
  
Lou laughed again and started to mess around with his stuff he seemed to be looking for something.  
  
"Oh, I thought it was because you broke up with that Rivers girl." He said and Barry looked irritated and limped over to his desk.  
  
He didn't like that the guys thought he was some sort of weakling that got ruined because of some girl.  
  
"She just a dime in a dozen." He commented bitterly and Lou raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Well then she's a pretty fine dime if you ask me."  
  
"I didn't ask you." Barry snapped and Lou got the hint and kept quiet.  
  
***********************''  
  
Later that night, after they'd eaten and got dressed, Barry, Lou and three other guys from their fraternity house left the building and went down into town.  
  
Barry was in a better mood now. He'd had two beers for dinner and wasn't quite as depressed now.  
  
It was strange how some liquor and pot could make it all go away. Even though he knew that the next day would be the same as the one before.  
  
They arrived at a place called The Cube; it was the newest and the hottest place in town.  
  
Barry liked it from the first sight of it. It was a place where you could be sure the hottest babes would hang around.  
  
He and the guys got out of the car and made their way to the bar inside the place.  
  
Barry's intuition had been right - the place was over crowded with babes.  
  
The short, fair-haired Lou was very happy by the look of his round face.  
  
Sometimes Barry felt sorry for Lou. He had such problems getting girls - maybe he wasn't the best looking guy around but he made up for that in personality. Unfortunately Lou had a tendency of stuttering around any girl, which made it harder for him to charm them.  
  
Barry let his eyes slide across the room when he took a set at a bar stool. He ordered a Jack Daniels and started to chat with the guys.  
  
He preferred to get an over look of the people in the place before he chose one lucky lady to devote his time to.  
  
"So Barry, think you'll hook up tonight?" A big guy named Charlie asked and Barry grinned at him.  
  
"If I'll find anyone to please me."  
  
The others laughed.  
  
"You got too much cock boy." Charlie said amused but knew that Barry could choose how he wanted because of his looks. Even with crutches he was a bigger chick magnet then the other four together.  
  
A cute brunette made eyes at him but Barry ignored her. She was to plain and to desperate.  
  
"If you'll just feed me your scraps I'll be fine." Lou joked with eyes at Barry and Barry rolled his eyes and patted his friend on the shoulder.  
  
"Look, you don't have to take anyone's scraps - you're a good guy. You can get girls on your own."  
  
Lou glared at him and Barry took a zip of his Jack Daniels.  
  
"I mean it! You just need to get that stutter under control and then the babes will be all over you." He glanced over the room again.  
  
"Okay, look out here. A lot of foxes right?" He asked and Lou nodded.  
  
"Right."  
  
"Good, now you pick one girl - one girl - that you like and you go for her. There is nothing to be afraid of you just need to focus on talking about what might interest her."  
  
Barry saw a blonde girl sitting in a both alone. He pointed at her.  
  
"Take her for example, I can't really see her face but you can tell by the way she looks that she is very concerned about her looks. Which usually means selfish therefore you should talk about what interests her - herself."  
  
Barry made it sound so simple and Lou nodded thoughtful, listening to every word his fortunate friend let out of his mouth.  
  
Barry was still looking at the blonde girl.  
  
"See how she's uncomfortable alone, rubbing her neck with her hands like that. That girl wants company."  
  
He gave Lou a little push and Lou looked terrified at him.  
  
In theory it was a great plan, to do it was not his wish. Not today anyway.  
  
He shook his head. "No, no Barry, I couldn't ......"  
  
Barry gave him another push.  
  
"Fine, if you want to be a sissy all your life ...."  
  
Lou swallowed hard. He didn't want the guys to think that. He had all their eyes on him when he corrected his shirt and nodded.  
  
"I'll do it." He said and Barry grinned and patted his back.  
  
"Good boy, now make us proud."  
  
Lou made his way over to the pretty, blonde girl. He was never going to make this but at least he would've tried. He told himself to be brave.  
  
He cleared his throat and she turned her face at him. Lou was to nervous to recognise her.  
  
"Hi, I'm Lou I was wondering if you wanted to have a drink with me?"  
  
She looked as terrified as him and started to look around.  
  
"Eh .... well ..... actually, I'm kind of waiting for some..."  
  
Another guy came up to them.  
  
'Shit a boyfriend' Barry thought watching the whole time.  
  
"What's going on here?" The guy asked cutting the girl of mid sentence and the girl looked apologising at him, she didn't seem to mind him interrupting.  
  
"Nothing." She said.  
  
When she turned her head back to give Lou a friendly brush off Barry could see her face.  
  
He opened his mouth in surprise - it was Helen.  
  
His beautiful Helen out on a date.  
  
It hurt more then he'd thought it would. Of course she had to move on but did she have to do it with what look like a pompous ass?  
  
Barry felt sick. Like if she'd betrayed him.  
  
He walked towards the door to get some air. He couldn't stand the sight of her with another guy.  
  
When he came out in the fresh air he spotted at cab and jumped into it and drove home.  
  
************************************ 


	4. That was then, this is reality

A week had passed since Barry had seen Helen out with another guy.  
  
It had upset him more then he thought and liked. It made him work harder on his legs and he forced himself to do more then ever.  
  
The nurses were afraid he'd wear himself out but Barry didn't listen to anybody. Anger ruled his life now.  
  
He was sitting resting on a bench in the hospital training room right now when his mom came walking in.  
  
She had a strict look on her face and Barry knew that she was mad at him. Why should he care?  
  
"Hi Barry." She said with a smile and kissed his cheek - Barry looked away.  
  
He hated the way she was clinging on to him and treating him like a little baby.  
  
"Hi mom," He grunted a little and wiped his fore head with a towel. He was sweaty and wanted to take a shower, he didn't not want a friendly chat with his mom.  
  
She tilted her head a little.  
  
"Are you alright?" She asked and got a glare from him. "The nurses here tells me how remarkable you are and I just tell them that you always been. Haven't you my little boy."  
  
She looked proud but he couldn't let her have that moment of glory.  
  
"This has nothing to do with remarkable mom, people do this everyday, I'm no different from others and I'm not your little boy."  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Well you don't have to be rude. Here I come all the way to the hospital and you just ..... treat me like you wished I wouldn't have."  
  
Barry raised and eyebrow. It would be to mean to tell her that he didn't want her here.  
  
"I didn't ask you to come." He said instead and she did an upset face.  
  
"How else can I see you? You never call anymore and when I call you always seem to be out. Is it that Rivers girl you are seeing?"  
  
His mom had never liked Helen. It had been why he'd stayed with Helen in the first place.  
  
"I'm not seeing Helen anymore mom, I told you a couple of months ago. We broke up here at the hospital remember? I thought you were going to throw a party or something."  
  
Her mouth became a thin line. "Well, that's nice! She just left you when you were down; I always told you that girl was bad news Barry. Didn't I?"  
  
Barry reached for his crutches and stood up. He did not want to discuss Helen with his mother.  
  
"Where are you going?" She asked and followed him as he limped towards the door.  
  
"I'm sweaty and tired and I'm going to take a shower if that's alright with you."  
  
She wasn't all right with that but what could she do.  
  
Mrs Cox watched her only son limp away on his crutches and in a last desperate try to hold on she cried after him: "Call me tomorrow. We can make dinner plans for next week!"  
  
She didn't know if Barry had heard her or not but she guessed he had and she walked away to talk to a nurse.  
  
**********************'  
  
Barry took extra long time to shower and get ready. He didn't want to find his mother waiting outside for him when he was done.  
  
When he finally got out of the dressing room he didn't see her anywhere.  
  
He took his bag and leaned down to tie his shoe when he saw her again - Helen.  
  
Quickly he hid behind a door so that she wouldn't see him. She was the last person he wanted to be fake friendly to now.  
  
He saw her walk up to the counter and talk to a nurse. Why was she here? And why was she here now?  
  
What were the odds of him seeing her twice in a week after this long time of total silence from her?  
  
She seemed to pick something up before she walked towards the exit.  
  
Barry saw her leave and when he was sure she was gone too, he took his bag and made it for the exit himself.  
  
Was he going crazy? Who was he going to see next? Julie or Ray.  
  
Then again Ray had called him the other day and asked if he wanted to get together. Barry had said no.  
  
After seeing Helen with a new guy he was sure that moving on from everything was all he could do.  
  
He had a date tonight in fact. It was a freshman girl named Olivia Ramey, she was cute and probably easy that was what he liked about her.  
  
He took a cab back to the dorm.  
  
**********************''  
  
"And so I told her to back off, I knew what I was doing and that it was my hair! Don't you think I'm right?"  
  
Barry gave Olivia an incredibly bored glance.  
  
"Yeah sure." He said not knowing what he'd just answered.  
  
This girl was boring. The date had started well but then gotten awkward and now Olivia kept talking about herself and her hair mostly - boring!  
  
She was cute but if she shut up she'd be cuter.  
  
Olivia tilted her head and allowed her soft blonde hair to caress her arm. She smiled a little.  
  
"Do you want to know a secret?" She asked and Barry nodded.  
  
"Sure." Anything to spice things up a little.  
  
She giggled. "It's my birthday in three weeks. Would you like to come with me to my birthday party and meet my parents?"  
  
Barry felt it like she'd thrown a bucket of ice over him.  
  
Meet the parents? Could you say jump the gun? There would be no meeting the parents. This was there first date! What was this girl's trip?  
  
"Eh.... I don't think so Liv, I mean, this being our first date and all." He nodded businesslike and she smiled and reached her hand over the table and put it over his.  
  
"But it doesn't feel like that does it? I mean, I feel like we're connecting here. Don't you?"  
  
She looked innocent and sweet but to Barry she might as well have been the devil because that was what he saw. Just another girl wanting to marry him.  
  
Why were they all in such hurry? He was 20 now; it was hardly an age at all. There were things to do, people to see.  
  
He smiled suddenly and Olivia took it as a good sign.  
  
"A penny for you thoughts."  
  
Barry looked at her as if he hadn't realised she was there.  
  
"Oh it's nothing, it's just a friend of mine has her birthday around that time."  
  
Heller would turn 19. So young and already working and also she were successful within her work. Of course everybody in Hollywood started young. It was the way of TV.  
  
Olivia looked jealous.  
  
"A female friend? What is it, some sort of ex-girlfriend or what?"  
  
Barry grinned irresistibly.  
  
"Don't look so jealous, it doesn't suit you!" He commented and then nodded. "Yeah in fact it is an old girlfriend."  
  
Olivia snorted.  
  
"If she's so old of a girlfriend how come you remember her birthday?"  
  
Barry rolled his eyes. "I just do okay? Look do you want to leave because I'm not eager on continuing this conversation?"  
  
He looked at the door of the restaurant and Olivia followed his example. She thought for a couple of seconds and then smiled.  
  
"Yeah, sure where do you want to go?" She asked and Barry shrugged.  
  
"Wherever." He said and put some money on the table and led her out of the restaurant with his mind cluttered up with Helen.  
  
Why was he like this now? He'd never been before. The times were changing. Who would've thought this six months ago?  
  
Helen turned 19 - they were all growing up. Growing apart. 


	5. Wounds to be erased

Helen stared at Barry's face. He looked better then ever.  
  
"Barry ... hi." She said surprised and gave the make up girl Martha a glare that made her leave.  
  
Barry stood up from the couch he'd been sitting in. She noticed he had a little trouble doing it but there was no cast or no crutches in sight - he was truly remarkable.  
  
"Hi Heller, happy to see me?" He opened his arms but Helen wasn't sure uf he wanted a hug or if it was a friendly gesture.  
  
She decided it was the later.  
  
"Of course I am but .... what are you doing here?"  
  
It pained her to say that to him.  
  
'Please don't hate me Barry'  
  
Barry shrugged a little. "I don't know, I just kind of ..... missed you."  
  
Helen turned her violet eyes at him. "You did?"  
  
Barry smiled crooked.  
  
"Of course I did. We went out for two years and then ..... not even a hello in six months."  
  
He put his hands in his pockets glancing at her in a shy way.  
  
Helen felt stupid. "Well .... eh ......getting over you kind of forced me to you know - not see you."  
  
She hated the way he affected her. She felt like her legs were melting beneath her.  
  
He nodded understanding.  
  
"Yeah ..... getting over me." He noticed a sparkle around her wrist and nodded at it.  
  
"Did you like it?"  
  
Helen was confused for a couple of seconds and then remembered the bracelet he sent her this morning - she was wearing it.  
  
"I love it." She stated shortly admiring it.  
  
Barry didn't show it but it made him want to jump up and down hearing her say that. That was probably the best birthday gift he'd ever given her - if not the only.  
  
"Good." He controlled his joy and sounded casual cool.  
  
A girl came into the room.  
  
"Helen we need to get you ready, you're going on the air soon."  
  
Helen stared at the girl like she had never seen her before. Then reality came back to her.  
  
"Oh yeah right." She looked at Barry with something unfinished in the air they both felt that.  
  
"I have to ...."  
  
"Work?" Barry filled in and she nodded. He shrugged with an irresistible smile on his face.  
  
"I'll wait if you want me too."  
  
Helen looked at him as if he was crazy - Barry wait for her? She could practically feel all the old feelings she'd tried to oppress, rise within her.  
  
She forced herself to calm down and smiled.  
  
"Sure, that'd be great."  
  
Barry looked pleased. "We could go get something to eat when you're done. If you want to?"  
  
Helen took her seat in front of her mirror and the make up girl Martha came in and started to fix her hair and make up.  
  
"Sure." Helen said and Barry sat down on the couch again.  
  
****************************  
  
As Helen read the newscast later on Barry watched her.  
  
'How could I've ever thought this girl was a drag?' He wondered.  
  
He'd stringed her along for two years of comfort and now he was glad he had.  
  
After that night when he'd seen her out with another man he'd worked so hard that he now didn't even need the crutches.  
  
Now he practically was the man he once was - now he could see her again and show her that he was fine.  
  
With or without her.  
  
Looking at her now made him wonder if he didn't rather be with her.  
  
***********************************  
  
Helen kept a perfect game face while on the air. Inside of her she felt both pain and joy.  
  
'Damn him!' Why did he just show up like this? To show her what she didn't still have but still wanted?  
  
Arrogant bastard, six months ago head been lying in a hospital bed fighting to walk again and now here he was on his two legs looking better then ever.  
  
She thought of the latest six months, it had been so hard never to see him, especially with her sister Elsa gloating over the fact that they'd broke up.  
  
Julie and her mother said she was better off without him but none of them realised just how empty Helen's life was without him.  
  
She was prettier then most girls but she didn't bond to people and had only one female friend.  
  
Since Julie was away to college there wasn't much to do. Mostly because she didn't date.  
  
Helen had used the time to read and take some night classes. She felt smarter and liked that she had more to offer in a relationship then just her looks.  
  
She glanced at her dressing room wondering if Barry was watching her on the TV in there.  
  
Could he see that she was different?  
  
It pained inside her when she realised they'd never really known each other as well as she'd thought.  
  
His lying to Ray had almost got her killed - that was how much he cared of her. 


	6. Something about you

Helen left the dressing room in her own clothes. Barry stood outside waiting for her.  
  
He gave her appreciating looks.  
  
"Wow, you look better then ever. I bet the guys are lining up outside your door."  
  
Helen didn't know what to say.  
  
"Eh ..... well, I'm not much for dating."  
  
'Liar' Barry thought but didn't say anything.  
  
"Lucky me, otherwise you might not have been free tonight. Being your birthday and all."  
  
Helen smiled a little. Of course her family was expecting her to come home for dinner but her mother would forgive her if she told her she'd been with Barry.  
  
Her mother was very impressed by Barry.  
  
"I don't think it's a big deal." Helen said and wondered if it had sounded to cold but Barry nodded understanding.  
  
"I remember. Shall we leave?"  
  
Helen was about to say yes when John came up to them. He didn't seem to notice Barry.  
  
"Helen." He said smiling. "I'm off now, do you want to get some dinner?"  
  
Barry frowned irritated. 'Never dated - yeah right!' He thought but then he looked at Helen's face and saw fright and reluctance written all over it.  
  
Automatically she reached for Barry's hand and squeezed it.  
  
Barry reached out his other hand towards John.  
  
"Hi I'm Barry ..... Helen's boyfriend."  
  
John jerked his head in his direction and looked at his face and then their linked hands.  
  
"Helen you never told me you have a boyfriend." He said suspiciously.  
  
It cut in her like knives knowing that Barry wasn't really her boyfriend but she stepped closer to him like he belonged to him for show.  
  
"Well .... We're not really that close are we John? I just kind of thought you knew, you know, since I never have agreed to date you."  
  
Barry nodded. "Speaking of which I'd appreciate it if you stopped hitting on my girl. What if she gets tempted and leaves me?" He smiled playfully at Helen.  
  
Kevin looked at them with dislike.  
  
"It's ever man for himself." He grunted. "See you Helen."  
  
Helen sighed of relief when he was gone.  
  
"Thank you Barry, that guy is such a creep. He scares me after Collie* I'm kind of afraid if all guys. At first I thought John was harmless but then .... I'm sorry am I babbling too much?"  
  
Barry had been listening carefully and interested and now he shook his head.  
  
"Not at all .....continue."  
  
Helen smiled.  
  
"Well then this morning, when I got your gift, I just assumed that the flowers with them was from you but ..."  
  
"They weren't." Barry filled in glancing over his shoulder as if to see John lurking around the corner.  
  
Poor Helen, she got all the freaks around her.  
  
Helen shook her head.  
  
"I have never even told him when my birthday is. It scares me."  
  
She looked so vulnerable that Barry wanted to take her in his arms and protect her. He didn't and they got quiet.  
  
Then Helen realised they were still holding hands and blushed. She pulled hers back and Barry was surprised by her move - he hadn't even realised they were still holding hands either. It had been like old times.  
  
"Are we going to go?" Helen asked awkwardly and Barry nodded and led her to the car.  
  
(* for you who haven't read the book Collie is a guy that moves into Helen's building and becomes her friend and then betrays her terribly.)  
  
********************************'  
  
He took her to the restaurant The Droid.  
  
They were seated almost immediately and Helen suspected that Barry had made reservations.  
  
She wondered if it was for her of she was the back-up girl.  
  
After ordering their dinner their drinks arrived. Helen had settled for a coke while Barry drank scotch on the rocks.  
  
"This was a while ago." Barry said and Helen nodded.  
  
"Yeah." She couldn't come up with more to say. She unfolded her napkin and put it in her lap.  
  
"So, I see your recovery has gone very well. You walk with perfection."  
  
Barry smiled at her compliment.  
  
"What can I say? It was killing me to be a cripple. Actually my mom was the pain. I had to get out of that house and back to the dorms."  
  
Helen laughed. His mother had never liked her but she was also the reason she and Barry had stayed together for so long.  
  
She'd once told Helen when she'd called Barry that Barry didn't like to be chased. After that Helen only called when it was absolutely necessary.  
  
The dinner was a bit awkward but they got through it. Afterwards however Helen just wanted to go home.  
  
"You still live in the Four seasons complex?" Barry asked and Helen raised her eyebrows with a grin on her lips.  
  
"You sent me a package there." She pointed out and Barry rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh, I forgot. Left my brain at home tonight." He joked.  
  
"Huh funny, I was just wondering where it was." Helen countered and he grinned as he drove away from the restaurant.  
  
"I miss this." He said suddenly and Helen looked at him.  
  
"Miss what?"  
  
"This! You....me....we always had fun together."  
  
Helen didn't want to become his dog in a leash again. She wanted to keep cool, she couldn't trust Barry.  
  
"If I remember correctly you didn't really treasure it before. You had at least two more girlfriends to have fun with."  
  
Barry bit his lip. Did she have to bring that up?  
  
They drove in silence the rest of the way.  
  
When he stopped outside the apartment complex Helen immediately opened the door.  
  
"You don't have to walk me up." She insisted before he said anything.  
  
"Okay." Barry nodded. He wasn't going to force her.  
  
"This was fun. Let's do it again sometime." He said instead.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Helen's question stomped him and he looked unsure.  
  
"Why not? We're friends aren't we?"  
  
Helen smiled softly and slowly shook her head.  
  
"We're not friends Barry. Lovers, enemies maybe even but we've never really been friends."  
  
He knew she was right.  
  
"I want to be you friend." He didn't look at her when he spoke. He didn't dare to. "I miss having you in my life."  
  
Helen thought she was going to cry but she held it in with much trouble.  
  
"I can't be your friend Barry, I ...." She didn't want to tell him.  
  
"I can't have you not notice me or not calling." She stepped out of the car.  
  
"Goodbye Barry." She said and rushed into the building before he could say anything more.  
  
Inside her apartment she started to cry.  
  
Who the hell was he just to pop back into her life and make her feel all this again?  
  
She hated him for it - friends? They could never be friends. She loved him too much, why didn't he realize that?  
  
She lay down on the bed where they both had slept so many times.  
  
Why was it so hard? 


	7. An offer impossible to refuse

A week later Helen came to the studio on her day off. She had a meeting with her boss.  
  
She wasn't sure about what. Even though she'd been an emotional wreck she'd managed her work better then ever - it was the only thing that took her mind of Barry.  
  
She hadn't heard a word from him in a week.  
  
She'd talked to Julie on the phone and they had agreed that this weekend Helen was going to visit her at Smith to get her mind of things.  
  
Helen was looking forward to the trip but was afraid to ask for some time off now when she'd been called into the boss's office.  
  
"Hi Helen, what are you doing here? Isn't this like your day of?"  
  
Helen looked into Martha's kind, brown eyes.  
  
"Yeah but Dave wanted to see me. Do you know if he's in his office or on the set?"  
  
Martha nodded at Dave Russo's office.  
  
"I think Mr Russo is awaiting you."  
  
"Thanks Martha."  
  
Helen walked to the door and knocked on it lightly.  
  
"Come in." A mans voice grunted and she stepped in and closed the door behind her.  
  
"Ahh, Helen." Mr Russo seemed happy to see her. He got out of his chair and kissed her cheek.  
  
Helen smiled. "Hello Dave. What's so important you had to drag me down here on my free day?" She asked playfully and he laughed a little before walking behind his desk and sitting down again.  
  
"So forward! I like that in you. I like the changes I've seen in you since you started working here ... what? Two years ago."  
  
Helen nodded.  
  
"Well, time changes you."  
  
She didn't feel like sitting here and have friendly chit chatting. She wanted to know what this was about.  
  
If she was getting fired then what would she do? Her job was her life.  
  
Mr Russo watched her thoughtful.  
  
"I can see you are wondering why I wanted to see you. You have this little wrinkle of worry between your eyes. No need for that Helen, what I wanted to talk to you about is most certainly good news."  
  
Helen let on a smile not to offend her boss. If it was anything she'd learned working on this TV-station it was not to make powerful enemies. This business was risky enough as it was.  
  
"Really? Well I must say that I am most pleased with the situation being .... I mean I like being a disk jockey before it's just.... newscast are more rewarding don't you think?"  
  
Strangely she'd found out that just because she was pretty people thought that she wanted all the easy jobs.  
  
It had been okay in the beginning but she wanted to prove to them that she'd grown as a person, that she wasn't the same twit she'd been before.  
  
Mr Russo laughed a little again and leaned back in his chair.  
  
"Oh Helen, after all this time do you really think I wanted to pitch you such a nonsense job? Your like a daughter to me, I want the best for you."  
  
Helen smiled awkwardly. Like a daughter? They had talked merely six times in two years!  
  
Mr Russo leaned over his desk a little.  
  
"This is why I bring you this opportunity. Helen .... what do you think of the big apple?"  
  
Helen frowned a little.  
  
"New York? Well, I've always wanted to go .... I just have never found the time."  
  
Mr Russo nodded liking and leaned back in his chair again.  
  
Helen didn't like his grin. It made him look a bit like a pervert if you asked her.  
  
"What if I told you that there is a job offering for you there?"  
  
Helen looked at him like if she didn't believe him.  
  
"It's true, one of the hot shots up there was here visiting family and saw your pretty face on the TV. Need I say more? He was sold! He wants you Helen, at any cost."  
  
Mr Russo looked really excited but Helen didn't know what to think.  
  
Leaving for New York? Scary but maybe just what she needed. To get away from her family, from Barry, from all the painful memories.  
  
"What are the conditions?" She asked business like.  
  
**********************************'  
  
30 minutes later Helen left Mr Russo's office with the contracts in her hand. She hadn't signed them yet.  
  
She wanted to discuss it with Julie first. Julie always had been the brains and right now the only person she trusted.  
  
She walked to her car and sat down in it feeling a bit strange.  
  
Who would've thought that High School drop out Helen Rivers would get the offer to become a big time New York newsreader?  
  
She smiled to herself and started to laugh before starting the car to drive home.  
  
Leaving this little hole behind for the real world. That was what she needed. She thought.  
  
But deep inside her she knew that she didn't mind living in a small town, it was only crowded because of one person she couldn't even stand seeing anymore.  
  
And she was tired of hiding. So very tired.  
  
****************************************'  
  
"Oh my God, I can't believe this!" Julie studied her contracts with great interest.  
  
Helen looked shyly at her.  
  
"Do you think that it's a good idea? I mean, taking the job and moving to New York."  
  
Julie smiled at her.  
  
"Helen it's a great idea! I think this is just what you need. You'll get a little space and can easier go on with your life."  
  
Julie looked comforting at her and put her hand over Helens.  
  
"After what we've been through I think we all should've left that town earlier. It's full of such bad memories."  
  
Helen nodded.  
  
"I know." She looked sad and Julie put the contracts away and stood up from her chair and sat down next to her on the couch.  
  
"Helen, I really think this could be good for you. I mean, I've seen you grow as a person this last year but something has been pulling you down."  
  
Helen rolled her eyes and stood up and walked over to a window.  
  
"Barry right?"  
  
Julie stood up too. "Yeah Barry, he's always been cluttering up your mind in a way nothing else has. I think he always will unless you ...."  
  
"Find closure?" Helen sighed unhappy and Julie walked over to her and put her arms around her.  
  
"I know you love him, but I just think that it's best if you try to get over him as soon as possible. A broken heart is never easy to deal with."  
  
Helen sobbed a little, still staring out the window.  
  
"It's so hard Julie, in high school I thought we'd be together forever and now, so much has changed."  
  
She shook her head a little and walked in towards the centre of the room.  
  
"I was a ridicules little school girl then, swoony I might add. And I just thought that if I changed I'd get over him or he'd realised how much he loved me."  
  
She wiped a tear from her eye. "But he didn't and now I feel so stupid ... he just wanted us to be friends? Good old reliable Helen. Why do I let him treat me this way?"  
  
Julie looked at her with sad eyes. She understood her pain. When she'd been without Ray she'd been miserable.  
  
But it was different for her and Ray. They stood a chance. Barry and Helen probably didn't.  
  
Julie smiled comforting. "Come on Helen. Let's forget about this today and do something fun. Would you like that? Ray is coming over. He's really looking forward to meeting you."  
  
Helen nodded, smiling. "You always make me feel better Julie. Why is that?"  
  
"Because I'm your friend."  
  
They hugged just when a knock was heard on the door to Julie's room.  
  
"Knock, knock." Ray said and peaked in. "You girls want to hit the town with a lonesome stranger?"  
  
Helen smiled wide and walked over to him and hugged him.  
  
"Ray, I've missed you so much." She said while Julie took their coats.  
  
"Let's get moving." She said and handed Helen her coat and they left the room.  
  
******************************'  
  
A couple of days later Helen walked into Mr Russo's office.  
  
She put the contracts on his desk and he looked up at her with a hint of surprise.  
  
"Signed and ready." She said with a smile that he returned when he understood what she meant.  
  
"Helen that is great. I'll get these in the works immediately."  
  
Helen felt pleased. That night when she was driving home from work she took an extra tour around town to see everything like one last time.  
  
She didn't stop by the university out of fear of running into him. Back at her apartment she called her mother to tell her the great news. 


	8. Goodbye my love

Barry was sitting on study hall. He had a big exam coming on but he couldn't focus.  
  
It had been two weeks since his date with Helen and ever since he'd thought of nothing but her.  
  
It was almost painful the way he kept hearing the words: "Goodbye Barry." Over and over in his head.  
  
He'd asked out two girls during these weeks and both dates had gave him a sickening feeling.  
  
He didn't understand his feelings. He'd never really felt like this before.  
  
Was it Helen? Was he .... in love with her?  
  
He'd never thought such a thing to be possible. He was trying to oppress it.  
  
Life was so much easier without these feelings. He hated them, it made him feel weak and vulnerable.  
  
He hated the thought of her moving on, he hated the thought of someone else but him being in her life. He hated the thought of him being loves slave.  
  
He closed his book with a big sigh and walked back to his dorm room.  
  
He was going to change and then get some exercise. He still couldn't play football but he kept in shape by going to the gym.  
  
He threw his books on the bed and opened one of his drawers.  
  
He froze in his moves when he saw it - Helen's picture. It was one of the best ones on her. It was her junior class picture and in the right corner she'd written: With all my love - Heller.  
  
Once it had meant something to him, then it had just become a useless item, now he didn't know.  
  
It reminded him of the days when Helen had been his girl. Now she wasn't.  
  
A year ago that wouldn't have bothered him and now it did.  
  
Where had all these feelings come from?  
  
He didn't believe that a person could change over night in a way like that.  
  
He took up the picture of Helen and watched it carefully.  
  
She was a looker. That was why he'd first noticed her. For him it had never meant to turn into a relationship even.  
  
Now he started to feel that a relationship with Helen wouldn't be that bad.  
  
She was pretty, she loved him and he ... he loved her.  
  
Barry put the picture back in his drawer almost scared of what he'd just thought.  
  
He loved her.  
  
"I love her." He said out loud tasting the words finding them not so frightening anymore.  
  
"Talking to yourself Cox?" His roommate came into the room and Barry jerked his head around.  
  
"I just realised something." He mumbled. He took a few seconds to melt his thoughts and then grabbed his coat and rushed out of the room.  
  
"Hey Cox! Where are you going?"  
  
Barry didn't listen to the voice. He was in a hurry. He needed to tell Helen before it was too late. He prayed that it wasn't too late.  
  
****************************************'  
  
Helen was putting some books down in a box when a knock on the door interrupted her.  
  
She frowned. Julie and Ray weren't supposed to come until that weekend to help her move. Who could it be?  
  
'Please God don't let it be Elsa' She thought and took some slow steps towards the door.  
  
She opened it slightly and frowned when she saw Barry standing outside.  
  
"Barry, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Hello to you too." He grinned.  
  
She still had the door only opened slightly and he looked begging at her.  
  
"Aren't you going to ask me in?"  
  
She didn't want to but she stepped away from the door and allowed him to come in.  
  
He walked in with confident steps. He was familiar with her apartment but this time he didn't notice it much.  
  
He turned right around to face her.  
  
"Helen, I've been an idiot." He said when she'd closed the door.  
  
She looked at him with doubting and shy eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Barry sighed. "The whole deal about us being friends..." He paused and looked around.  
  
"Is it me or is this place getting bigger? Or emptier?" He turned around to see no paintings or pictures on the wall. Open and empty cabinets and boxes everywhere. The only thing that looked the same was her bed.  
  
Ah, her fresh, girly scented bed. They'd had some great times there.  
  
Barry looked at Helen who walked into the apartment with small steps.  
  
"Well ... I'm kind of in the middle of moving Barry." She said not looking at his face.  
  
Barry felt it like she'd hit him over the head with a frying pan.  
  
Leaving?  
  
"Where?" He asked afraid that it would be further then a block down.  
  
Helen seemed jittery in a bad way as she played with the hair band in her hand.  
  
"Well .... you see..." She didn't know how to say it. Why couldn't she? They weren't dating anymore. He had nothing to do with where she lived.  
  
"Come on Heller, just tell me." Barry urged her not knowing how painful it was for her to hear him call her that.  
  
She still didn't look at his face.  
  
"I got this job offering ..." She swallowed hard. "I'm moving to New York Barry."  
  
He felt like his heart was shattered into seven million tiny little pieces.  
  
"What?" He asked breath taken.  
  
Was this happening? Was it too late for them? It couldn't be.  
  
She looked at him with her big violet eyes. "I'm leaving town." She said and he frowned and shook his head.  
  
"That can't be."  
  
Helen was the one to frown now. "Why not? Do you think I'm too stupid to get a job somewhere else then here?"  
  
Did he still see her as the same brainless twit she'd been in high school? What a jerk.  
  
Barry shook his head again. "No, no, that's not it."  
  
Helen nodded. "No I think it is. You are upset because I won't be around for you to fall back on whenever you've gotten rejected by some clearly smarter girl."  
  
"What? Back-up? For your information no girl has ever rejected me."  
  
Helen rolled her eyes. "Of course not Mr Stud of all times. No one would be stupid enough to reject but only one girl would be stupid enough to get involved with you."  
  
In that moment Barry hated her.  
  
"You know what. I don't need this shit." He said and she walked over to the door and opened it.  
  
"Fine by me. Why don't you leave? I know it'll make me feel better."  
  
Barry walked towards the door and out of it. He stopped right outside of it and looked at her.  
  
"For what it's worth ... I do care about you Helen. I might've been a jerk but at least I was honest with it."  
  
He walked down the hall and Helen watched him leave with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Drop dead Barry!" She screamed after him before slamming her door shut.  
  
She leaned against it and slumped down on the floor.  
  
She was crying again. She hated it when she cried over him. She'd done it so many times before.  
  
She wondered if he ever cried over her.  
  
*************************************'  
  
Barry walked out of the complex in a fury.  
  
He was so mad at her. How dared she say that to him? He'd come there to tell her he loved her and then she just drops this on him.  
  
Wasn't he important enough to be told she was moving away from town before she actually did it? Apparently not.  
  
Here he'd thought he'd meant something to her, that she'd loved him.  
  
He hoped into his car and drove away in a fast rate.  
  
Who did she think she was? Like he even needed her?  
  
He saw a girl walking on the sidewalk and he pulled over next to her.  
  
"Hey pretty thing, want a ride?" He asked.  
  
That would show her. Stupid Helen, he could pick up any girl in the same way he'd picked her up.  
  
The girl smiled at him and got into his car. After all Barry Cox was a well- known and respected guy in town.  
  
"What's your name swee'pee?" He asked as he drove away. 


	9. When you wake up

Helen put down the last of her stuff in a box and sighed. She put her hands on her sides and looked around in the empty apartment.  
  
She was going to miss this place. If she could've afford it she would've kept it.  
  
Her sister Elsa had wanted to buy it from her. It had been Helen's last chance to gloat when she told Elsa what it cost and saw the face colour drained from her sisters face.  
  
Elsa would never afford it.  
  
Helen was happy about that in the sense that she didn't want anybody to move into her old apartment.  
  
She knew it was inevitable but at least she didn't need to know if she didn't know the person who moved in.  
  
"Hey Hel, are you ready to go?" Julie looked in through the front door and Helen turned around and smiled.  
  
"In a sec." She said and then frowned a little. "You know what, you go visit your mom first and I'll just dwell in the past for a couple of hours. Walking around town."  
  
She smiled again. "And then we're off to New York."  
  
Julie nodded. "Are you sure? We wanted to meet Ray's parents also ... it could take some time."  
  
Helen nodded reassuring. "That's totally fine. Take the time you need. It's not like I'm in a major rush."  
  
Julie smiled again and they heard Ray honk the car horn down outside the house.  
  
"So we'll meet up here when?" Julie asked and Helen shrugged.  
  
"Call me on my cell."  
  
"Okay. See you later, I don't want to keep Ray waiting much longer." Julie was off and Helen looked around the apartment again.  
  
She walked into the bathroom remembering when someone who'd wished to kill her had chased her in there.  
  
It hurt in her to think that she could've been dead.  
  
She looked out the window. She'd thrown herself from there in pure desperation.  
  
There was no question about it. She really needed to move away from here.  
  
Then her eye caught something that made her smile softly. On the window ledge the letters B.C. + H.R. were carved inside a heart.  
  
Barry had done it right when she'd moved in. They'd been standing by the window to get some air since the bathroom was newly painted and was full of paint fumes.  
  
He'd taken a knife and carved in their signals in a heart and smiled at her.  
  
"See, now all guys will know that you are my girl and that there's in no point of trying."  
  
She'd smiled at him. "They'll never get this far." She'd promised him and she'd kept her promise.  
  
Now she let her hand touch the carvings and felt stupid.  
  
She had to say goodbye to Barry. She couldn't just leave like he didn't mean anything to her. She couldn't have him think that.  
  
It had been a week and a half since he'd rushed out of her apartment.  
  
Helen hadn't allowed herself to wonder why he'd been there in the first place. He'd said he'd been an idiot.  
  
With new determination she walked into the empty bedroom and took her purse and her jacket.  
  
She was going to Barry's college to say goodbye. Hopefully end things on good terms.  
  
She hoped into her car that she hadn't sold yet and drove there in full speed.  
  
*************************************'  
  
Barry was sitting in his room with Kelly. She was a sweet girl - a little dumb but hey, that meant he didn't need to work as hard.  
  
"Oh Barry, I'm so glad I met you. That day when you picked me up in your car - it was like a dream come true."  
  
Barry smiled of curtsey but didn't really listen. He was bored. He'd been bored out of his mind the latest week.  
  
He'd blown off class, ignored his parents and friends and mostly hung out with Kelly or spent time at the gym.  
  
Kelly had gotten this idea that they were in love. Maybe she was, he wasn't and he wasn't interested in being either.  
  
He had moved his picture of Helen from his drawer to the drawer in his bed stand. Kelly didn't know.  
  
It still hurt to think of Helen. But he couldn't get rid of the picture, he just couldn't.  
  
He heard some voices in the hall and hoped that it wasn't anyone who came to nag on him for not being at class today either.  
  
"Barry what are you thinking?" Kelly asked with her big brown eyes at him and he turned his blue towards her. He hadn't realise he had been staring into nothing.  
  
"Eh, nothing Kell." He leaned closer and kissed her. She giggled a little and pulled away.  
  
"Is this all you think of Barry?"  
  
He nodded and pulled her into his arms again. "When I'm around you." He said and kissed her again.  
  
He heard the door being opened but ignored it. When no one came in he opened his eyes to see whom it was.  
  
He was shocked to see Helen standing there looking hurt. When their eyes met she turned and ran.  
  
Barry moved quicker then ever. He let go of Kelly and ran after her. Ignoring Kelly's wondering calls after him.  
  
He caught up with Helen right outside the college when she was on her way to her car.  
  
"Helen wait." He said and grabbed a hold of her arm to make her stop.  
  
She looked away from him. "Barry leave me alone. I was stupid to come here ... I, I didn't think..." She sobbed a little and Barry was sad for what she'd seen.  
  
"Helen." He said beginning and she looked at him with tears in her eyes.  
  
"I just wanted to say goodbye but now I realise that was stupid. What do you care?"  
  
Barry couldn't believe how stupid she was - of course he cared.  
  
"I care Heller, I thought I already explained that. But you can't expect me to just sit around and wait for you when you're leaving town for good."  
  
Helen blinked a couple of times. "Expect that? I know you wouldn't wait for me! You wouldn't even wait for me for a day if so our lives depended on it!"  
  
"You never have anything nice to say to me do you? Are you trying to make this harder?" Barry asked and Helen shook her head.  
  
"I'm sorry if I can't get myself to understand why you cheated on me so many times! Why you lied when you knew I could die from it." She sobbed again. "Why I'm not enough for you."  
  
Barry saw the tears start to run down her cheeks and he wanted to hold her but he didn't know if she'd let him.  
  
"Heller ..." He started.  
  
"Don't call me that! It's ...to much. It makes me think of our better times. If there ever was such a thing."  
  
She dried her eyes. "Here I go again, crying, I cry so much over you Barry. It's not fair. I cry while you kiss other girls." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm going to leave now."  
  
Barry grabbed new hold of her arm when she made an effort to leave.  
  
"I can't let you leave Helen."  
  
She frowned at him. "What?"  
  
"I can't let you leave like this. I can't explain really why I cheated on you. After that night I just couldn't stand myself - I'd killed a little boy."  
  
Helen opened her mouth to protest but Barry held up his hand to silence her.  
  
"I was driving, it was me okay?" He shook his head a little. "I couldn't stand me, I couldn't stand Ray or Julie and I definitely couldn't stand you. I blamed you for so much. I blamed myself. I didn't deal."  
  
Helen listened while her tears went dry. She'd never heard him speak open heartedly like this.  
  
"I know I've been a jerk and I wish I could take the pain I've caused you away. But the truth is I didn't even care before that I was hurting you. I knew it - I just didn't care." He looked down on his feet and Helen did so too.  
  
She wasn't sure she wanted to hear this.  
  
"I've only recently just realised that this agonising, empty hole in me is there because I miss you. And I ..... I like kind of ....I love you Helen."  
  
Helen swallowed hard and looked at his face. Their eyes met.  
  
"You love me?" She asked weakly not believing what she'd just heard.  
  
He nodded. "I do, and I know that it is too late to tell you this but ...." He got quiet when Helen kissed him.  
  
When she let him go he looked confused.  
  
"What was that?" He asked and she laughed a little with a hint of sadness.  
  
"I just, I've been waiting to hear that since I met you and even though this isn't the best time I just needed to kiss you."  
  
"Well don't get me wrong I don't mind I just kind of thought you were severely P.O. at me."  
  
Helen nodded. "I am .... or I'm not sure anymore. You affect me in so many ways Cox. I want to hate you but I just can't."  
  
Barry watched her with a burning desire to kiss her again.  
  
"Heller, is there a chance for us?" He asked feeling there was no time to waste.  
  
She was quiet for a couple of seconds and then she looked down on her feet and mumbled something he didn't hear.  
  
"What?" He asked and she looked into his eyes.  
  
"Yes, there'll always be." She said and he allowed himself to smile and kiss her again. She wriggled free.  
  
"What about the girl ... in your room."  
  
Barry had already forgot about Kelly. He glanced over his shoulder and shrugged.  
  
"I don't like her. I just picked her up because I was mad at you. I wanted to show you ... guess I did huh?"  
  
Helen laughed a little and allowed him to take her in his arms again.  
  
******************************'  
  
Helen woke up from the noise of a fire truck. She was not yet used to all the never-ending sounds of New York but she loved it.  
  
She yawned and stretched her body out before she rolled around onto her side and let her arms wrap around Barry's body.  
  
She leaned closer and kissed his cheek.  
  
She could hardly believe her luck. Seven months earlier Barry had told her he loved her.  
  
She still couldn't believe all that had happened since then.  
  
He'd helped her to move into the apartment her new station had gotten her.  
  
He'd visited her during the weekends while applying to a new college in New York. Helen had helped him and it had been one of the happiest days in her life when she'd learned that he'd got in.  
  
He'd moved in with her against his parents will.  
  
Just two days earlier they'd got engaged. But since they both knew now that they were too young to get married they'd put that off into the future.  
  
Barry had said that he just wanted to see his ring on her finger and he could die a happy man if she wore it.  
  
Helen had forbid him to say anything that had to do with dying - after all this she wanted some blissful happiness.  
  
Barry moaned a little now and yawned before rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Morning sleepy head." Helen mumbled when he rolled onto his back and put his arms around her.  
  
"Morning beautiful." He said and kissed her.  
  
It was Sunday morning. Helen loved Sunday mornings. It was the best day off the week.  
  
They usually started with some tumbling around in the bed before showering.  
  
They went out for breakfast and strolled around in Central Park before returning to the apartment for a quiet evening.  
  
Barry never studied on Sundays and Helen never worked. It was their day.  
  
It wasn't easy but they were really working on their relationship now. They both wanted it to last.  
  
Helen kissed Barry again.  
  
"So want to get up?"  
  
Barry shook his head. "I pretty much feel like staying down." He grinned and she laughed.  
  
"Mm me too come to think of it. Why don't we stay down all day today and hey maybe a crazed flu bug we'll creep in through our windows and force us to take tomorrow off."  
  
Barry pulled her closer with a laugh.  
  
"That's my girl." He said and kissed her. "I love you Heller."  
  
"I love you too."  
****************************' END OF STORY  
  
A/N: Hope you liked my fanfic. Thank you all who reviewed it. Without you it probably never would've got to its end.  
  
Jennifer-Phoenix Reed 


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